Stringwhistle Toothbeak

Stringwhistle Toothbeak was a legend in his hometown of Throbnoggin – and, in his case legend is not intended to mean a superhero, or great person…it simply means, he was well-known.

throbnoggin sign
Throbnoggin

Now, before I begin with Stringwhistle’s legend, let me tell you something about Throbnoggin.

Throbnoggin is a small town of only 1992 people. It is situated on the banks of the Healtower river and is surrounded by beautiful landscaping – flat, green and yellow meadows to the east and west; the rolling hills of the Garn foothills to the south; and, to the north, the picturesque peaks of the high-reaching Jugfoul mountain range.

Although small, many legends were born in this town: Reachhole Sinkfinger who invented the hole; Haggerswan Magnasi the famous obstetrician; Guynostril Woodfinger the lumberjack; Eaggerwomp Pelto the only man to ever make it through high school alive with the name Eaggerwomp; Boompt Jikki, the only man to ever walk 20 miles backwards with a parakeet on his shoulder; Guynus Nobo, world champion at rockem’ sockem’ robots; Teedoe Tallywerkers, who fostered great advancements in the field of medicine – particularly in regards to rectal plastic surgery; and, of course, the famous Koop Feest, the only man to achieve the title of master to the ninth degree in rock, paper, scissors.

Famous People of Throbnoggin
Famous People from Throbnoggin

Now, Stringwhistle doesn’t have the same fame as the others I mentioned – he is simply a legend because he is so notorious.

It might be from the infamous fight he got into with Mackstrap Jablack in high school.

It might be his appearance. He has two left eyes. He parts his hair on both sides and down the middle. He has perfect teeth, but only three remain in his mouth – the two top front teeth, and one molar in the back which is not impacted or rotten. He has excellent muscle tone in his legs; however, his right foot is a size 4 and left foot a size 12 and a half. He’s got an eyebrow on the palm of his right hand, and both his pinkie fingers don’t bend at the joints. Other than those exceptions, he appears quite normal.

Stringwhistle Toothbeak
Stringwhistle Toothbeak

It might be that he that he’s got sixteen pet kangaroos – all of which live abroad in another country.

He is probably most famous for his role as lead singer and songwriter for the wedding party band Onion Beets – world renowned for such hits as “You Put a Vice on My Forehead and Tightened It”; “Keep Your Hands Off My Hard-Boiled Egg”; and, “There Is No Third Famous Song”.

The Onion Beets
The Onion Beets

He is also rumored to have never been an astronaut, a painter, nor an ornithologist.

The town of Throbnoggin still searches for the answer today: “Why is Stringwhistle Toothbeak a legend?”

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